Prospero | Formality in language

Johnson: We are all friends now

Western languages are increasingly shunning the old formal pronouns

By R.L.G. | BERLIN

MANY languages use different words for “you”, depending on the relationship between the speaker and the addressee. "You" tends to have two versions throughout Europe (tu and vous in French; du and Sie in German; tu and lei in Italian, etc), and knowing how to use them is a big part of linguistic savvy. Typically the first form is for close friends, family members, children and social inferiors; the second is for unknown adults, colleagues and superiors.

The details differ a bit from language to language. Last time Johnson took up this subject, I wrote that the German Sie is “is almost mandatory between all adults who are not friends”. Germans have traditionally taken care to agree explicitly to begin using du; sometimes this formal acknowledgement of a relationship's intimacy is accompanied by a ceremonial toast. (A speaker can tactfully broach the subject by re-introducing himself by his first name and inviting the addressee to do the same, and complete the switch to du.) Angela Merkel, Germany’s chancellor, agreed soon after Francois Hollande’s election as president of France to use du, tu, "François" and "Angela". But such haste is rare, and counts as signal of the special Franco-German relationship.

At least, it is rare in Ms Merkel’s generation. But across the western world the formal "you" is losing ground—even in Germany. Foreigners are well advised to begin with Sie, but they should not be surprised at how quickly Germans may now switch to du. Just after my first lunch with the press spokesman for a big German company, for example, I was surprised to hear, as we said goodbye, “by the way, my name is Thomas.” We’ve been du ever since.

Some Germans are flouting Sie altogether. On a recent visit to Berlin’s Apple Store, your columnist was addressed as du by a technical-support staffer probably ten years younger. Not being German, I was more surprised than offended—but having begun learning German 20 years ago, I found it almost impossible to overcome the urge to Sie him in reply. A colleague reports the same from Starbucks in Germany. And a commenter on last year’s post reported his surprise at the use of du at Ikea (which is based in Sweden), which can be found even on the retailer’s German website. (The Scandinavians have nearly universalised du in recent decades.)

Could the distinction between the formal and informal "you" be losing its place across western languages, as it has in the Scandinavian languages and English? (Thou was the informal English pronoun until you took over for both roles.) Yet commenters have also noted the advance of informal pronouns in Spain, Brazil, Mexico, the Netherlands, Italy and elsewhere. Making matters even more confusing, these changes have affected some languages more than others, and different people have different rules. Even some young people like maintaining the formal "you" as a show of respect. So using the word "you” to address all manner of unknown people has become a mine-field.

But even those who value solidarity over hierarchy might still want to preserve the distinction between the informal and the formal, between the intimate and the public. For example, a friend complains that the friendly office use of du makes it harder to have tough conversations with an assistant when something goes wrong. And it is not lost on me that when a press representative initiates the friendly "du" with a reporter, he may be hoping for friendly coverage.

This spreading informality has been slower in Asian languages (which often have more elaborate systems of pronouns and honorifics than the mere formal "you"). But in Europe, the change may be unstoppable. This is a result of the breakdown in respect for traditional authority (elders, the upper classes, the church, etc), which began in the 1960s. But also it is probably accelerated by the more recent breakdown in the distinction between private and public. In age of share-everything social media, when everyone has hundreds of “friends”, it’s little surprise that formality is falling from fashion. And these changes may soon affect the rest of the world, even more socially traditional Asia. There are reasons both to welcome and to be wary of this trend—but it is hard to imagine the forces that will reverse it.

Do you have a column suggestion or a question for Johnson? Write to [email protected].

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