Film remakes that should stay on the storyboard

ORIGINALITY is hardly the hallmark of today’s film industry. The biggest film of 2017 at the American box office is a remake of “Beauty and the Beast”; it will be surpassed by “The Last Jedi”, which opens this week and is the squillionth episode of the Star Wars saga. The ten highest-grossing films in Hollywood this year are all sequels or remakes.

As the film industry struggles to reverse a decline in box-office receipts (see article), it will keep returning to the comfort of the familiar. Franchises like Star Wars will steamroller on. Remakes are trickier. Well over 100 are thought to be in the works, from “Private Benjamin” to “Fantastic Voyage”. Some will get a 2018 twist: the mark in “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”, a 1980s comedy about two con artists, is a tech billionaire. But not all. The following projects are rumoured to be under way in Hollywood. They suggest that remakes have their limits.

Taxi Driver. A disturbed man called Travis is forced to become an Uber driver after losing his job. As he becomes increasingly embittered about the world, his thoughts turn to violence. But passengers notice his surly attitude and when his driver ratings fall below 4.6, he is deactivated from Uber.

Sleepless in Seattle. Annie is drawn to the voice of Sam, a widower, as he talks movingly on a podcast about whether he can ever love another woman. On an impulse, she decides to write him a letter asking him to meet at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. By the time the letter arrives, Sam has downloaded Tinder and is much happier with his lot.

Footloose. Ren, a new arrival in a sleepy rural town, is appalled to find that dancing and rock music have both been banned by the local preacher. But the reactionary cleric has not reckoned on the invention of wireless headphones, which enable Ren to put on the best darned silent disco in the Midwest.

Executive Decision. A group of terrorists hatch a plot to hijack an airliner. But the flight is overbooked. When they refuse to leave their carefully chosen seats, two of their number are beaten to a pulp by United flight attendants. The other terrorists stay on board but are too cowed to do anything.

Wall Street: Regulators Never Sleep. The hard-charging boss of a big American bank has plans to shovel credit at people who are barely able to scrape together a living. But when the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau comes calling, he quickly backs down. Chastened, he focuses instead on getting through the Federal Reserve’s annual stress tests.

Psycho. Marion Crane is searching for somewhere to stay and spots a place called the Bates Motel. Before going in, Marion decides to look up the motel on TripAdvisor and sees that several guests have warned about the state of the showers. She opts for a Marriott Courtyard instead.

Taken. A retired CIA agent’s daughter is kidnapped by sex traffickers while sightseeing in Europe. He uses the “Find My iPhone” app to track them down and then calls in the cops.

Brewster’s Millions. Monty Brewster has to spend $30m in 30 days, without accruing any assets, to inherit a fortune of $300m. He puts all of it into bitcoin. With one day left, his stake has spiralled to over $30bn. Fortunately, his bitcoin wallet is hacked just before the deadline and his inheritance is secured.

Some remakes can improve with an update: films about surveillance, from “Rear Window” to “Enemy of the State”, would mean even more today. But the rest of Hollywood will need to come up with some original ideas to keep filmgoers flocking in. Play something new, Sam.