Starting a conversation about intimate partner violence in India

By C.R. | BANGALORE

ANUJA, a young woman, invites us to step into her shoes and live her life for the next few minutes. We meet her boyfriend Manoj, a pleasant-looking young man; he has a good job, wears smart clothes and seems like ideal boyfriend material. But things take a nasty turn. When a random stranger passes by, he accuses Anuja of staring at him. Things quickly unravel. Manoj begins to threaten Anuja, switching between scolding and cajoling. Finally, when she refuses to have sex with him, he delivers a sharp slap across her face. This is where “Kya Yahi Pyar Hai”, a new virtual-reality (VR) experience, ends.

In the Tamil language, there is an idiom that goes: “The hand that hits is the hand that hugs.” It wraps the idea of control—especially violent control—inside that of caring. Indian popular culture reinforces this, telling young men and women that love often finds expression in aggressive ways, and that controlling behaviour and possessiveness are not abusive but signs of passion. Hit films like “Darr” and “Raanjhana” have suggested to young men that the done thing is to chase and stalk women till they succumb to their attentions. In 2015, an Indian security guard living in Australia escaped a jail term after his lawyer successfully argued that his harassment of women was influenced by Bollywood.

Love Matters, a website providing factual, non-judgmental information on sex and relationships, began to address the issue of intimate partner violence in 2015 with a campaign called #BearNoMore. Focusing on young unmarried couples, it identified the various forms of abuse and how a victim may be feeling. People were invited to post statements on social media. Some offered advice (“If you are facing violence in your relationship, speak out!”) while others simply wanted to share their experience (“He said to prove my love to him, I should have sex with him”).

With “Kya Yahi Pyar Hai” (“Is This Love?”), Love Matters hopes to continue the conversation that campaign started. The organisation believes that although intimate partner violence is incredibly common—it is estimated that as many as three out of four women experience emotional or physical abuse at some point in their lifetime—it still receives scant coverage in India. As a result, many young women faced with the situation do not know how to respond, especially if the violence takes place within the confines of what otherwise seems like a happy relationship. Some viewers may see echoes of their own relationship in “Kya Yahi Pyar Hai” and be encouraged to seek help. Those in non-abusive relationships still get a realistic sense of what it is like, thanks to the immersive nature of VR.

Vithika Yadav, a human rights activist and the founder of Love Matters, said that the film emerged from research that found that young women had a limited understanding of what constitutes abuse. Enabling viewers to recognise violence in all its forms became the primary objective, and there are various situations in the film that show Manoj attempting to emotionally manipulate Anuja and limit her financial independence. When Anuja suggests going out shopping with a friend, for example, Manoj insists on tagging along, since she cannot be trusted with her own money. It emphasises the insidious means of manipulation as well as the overt physical violence.

The film was previewed in June in New Delhi and Mumbai, followed by panel discussions featuring activists, bloggers and academics. It has been screened at metro stations across New Delhi; people passing through were invited into special viewing booths, with more than 500 people participating every day. According to Gayatri Parameswaran, the film’s director, VR was the perfect medium. “We wanted to not only set alarm bells ringing in case you were in a similar situation,” she says, “but also to create empathy towards those who suffer from intimate partner violence.” She notes that many viewers were moved by the experience, with some viewers in tears by the end.

It is too early to gauge the influence of the film in terms of whether victims have been encouraged to come forward, but Love Matters notes that it has received a positive response from viewers. Word of mouth is getting around, too: non-profits and human rights organisations all over the country have registered an interest, and colleges and universities have invited Love Matters to screen the film for their students. An official government strategy for tackling intimate partner violence seems a long way off yet, but simply talking about it is a good place to start.

“Kya Yahi Pyar Hai” is available to watch via Love Matters’s Facebook page