Lies, damn lies and tourists

By A.B.

IT'S holiday time in the northern hemisphere, and packs of tourists are roaming the streets. In London they bring in vast sums of vital money stand on the wrong side of the escalator and take photos in the middle of crowded pavements, or mispronounce "Leicester Square" and try to shop on Oxford Street. Smug locals grin at the errors of their ways, because while it's good to see visitors coming to terms with your city, it's more amusing to watch them getting it wrong.

In this vein, TimeOut London has been providing splendid examples of "Lies to tell tourists" for years. Among recent London-focused lies are suggestions such as: "when you adopt a non-endangered animal at London Zoo, you get to eat it at Christmas" and "Winston Churchill's favourite branch of Starbucks was the one in New Oxford Street, because he considered it to have the cleanest toilets".

These recommendations have been multiplying on Twitter, thanks to hearty efforts from the wider public. Herewith two of Gulliver's favourites:

• The finest Victuals in all London are serv'd at Mister ABERDEEN'S House of STEAK

• If you enter the British Museum, shout "I claim these Marbles for Greece" & exit with them, the police are powerless

All very hilarious and worth a good perusal. But now to the purpose of this post: Gulliver would like to hear your suggestions for the worst possible advice that can be offered to tourists in other parts of the world. For example, off the top of his not very inspired head:

• Cheering is encouraged during oral arguments at the Supreme Court in Washington DC (hat tip)

• "Can I see your passport" is a Moscow policeman's way of asking you to share travel anecdotes

• The people of Rio de Janeiro admire expensive gadgetry, so you should wear your best watch and wave your camera around as you walk along Copacabana

• Most married French people have lovers, so make sure to let the concierge of your Parisian hotel know if you're looking for a fling

You can, of course, do much better, and are warmly encouraged to hold forth in the comments. The choicest offerings will receive acclamation in a follow-up post.